..::|| i wonder... ||::..

is cupid playing with me or something?!

*i know la i kinda lost your trust the last time but really... this is so mean of you!!!*

exactly one year ago i dumped my first ever official BF for a very stupid reason...
it's something i'm ashamed and never will i repeat it again...
i think because of that, cupid is very mad at me and decided to curse me to eternal damnation of singleness

*why would you shoot an arrow at my direction when you know it's either will not stab me deep enough or will just deflect from my thick skin?!*

not that i'm desperate but you know, it would be nice to have someone...
despite the drama and bitchiness and all the undecisiveness that comes with it...
i prefer having that one person there as compare to playing eye-ball tag wherever i go...
it's tiring and stupid and sometimes just plain creepy on my part...

*the arrow you shot was too short my darling, it didn't pierce deep enough... it just scratched his skin only...*

but this time cupid really went too far...
i found someone
( technically he found me but lets just keep my ego down for now )
and it was all fun until we went deeper...

...

=.=

( sounded wrong... )


i mean intimate...

( better... )

it was seriously the relationship i would say i have been waiting all my life for...

||have you ever met a person whom can tell your thoughts by just a single glance of your face?!||

||have you ever feel like your're so comfortable in his arms that you just want sleep there forever?!||

||Have you ever hear another human being's heart beat knowing it's beating a bit faster because of your presence?!||

||Have you ever fantasize all the things you wanna do with your bf and only to find out you've done all the things on the list in just two days?!||

yes...
my answer is yes to all of the above...
it's that fast and that crazy of a ride...

spending time with him was fun...
it was like hanging out with a best friend...
and no to mentioned the no barrier communication we had...
i mean seriously...

NC-17 is an understatement in terms of labeling our conversation

( meaning that we're open to each other... not dirty talk ok! )

it was seriously the one relationship i have been waiting for...

*you gave me an almost-perfect guy without any catch nor complications but why this?!*

so wat's the problem?!
well, apparently second thought was the culprit...
he was having second thought about where we stand...
i guess it was moving a bit too fast and now we're kinda stuck at a place where routine begins to set in and familiarity is spreading...
so it's either be contempt with the current situation or move to the next level
and i think he got a bit freaked out...

*are my feelings that fun to play with?! it's MY feelings btw...*

and so we had THE TALK...
and it went on for an hour or so...

( not too bad... considering we're actually like only three weeks in... )

and while we're going thru this...
i was smiling...
not because i'm happy nor trying to hide my pain...

i was genuinely smiling...
because to tell you the truth...
i sorta expected it...

( no, not psychic nor six sense... just something i know )

so while he was tearing up and letting all out...
i was just listening and explaining and smiling...

until a point where he actually said

" don't smile like that, you're making me feel like an ASS... "

XD

i know...

*but i'm prepared... i've learned how NOT to be affected by this... i'm not as vulnerable as i was two years ago...*

but yea...
in the end...
we agree on common ground...
no one was hurt deeply nor any conflict was created...

a bit disappointment is of course inevitable but hey, it's better than falling into the pits of misery right?!

*i'm stronger and way more matured than you think i am, and yes, thanks to you, i've grown and might even outgrown more than you predicted...*

and so, it was a happy ending in some sense...
i gain a new friend and i do hope this friendship will last...
because of the intimacy we shared, high possibility it will i believe...

( not to mentioned the jokes only the both of us will understand... XP )

all in all, great experience and fun was definitely in the equation...
something i will cherish this for a very long time to come...

*but i still trust you and do ask for your forgiveness... i'm not blaming you, just saying...*

so here's to a great experience and greater ones to come!!!

*give me a break will ya?! i'm tired to start new ones and playing all this games is really taking it's tool on me... so i'm leaving it all to you...*

( fyi, i know you're reading this... don't misunderstood... it's just something i need to write about... noticed the anonymity of the post... so yea... no worries... =) )


( although i really wanna tell that someone though... would be awesome to see his facial expression... XD )

*i do hope HE is running as fast as he can to catch up with me...*

*To Cupid. With love, Paul*

*ps : i'm still allow to have preference right?! and you remember my perferences?! =P*


clinkingandclankingaway - ly OUT bitches...