][ the arrival of love ones and continuation of mourning ][

Waking up around noon time, with a hunger growing inside of me... it took me a few moments to get my bearings right and my thoughts together again... after finding my center... i begin to wash up and waiting patiently for lunch... we went for lunch at this famous "pan mee" place nearby and fill our stomach with the delicious noodle... right after that, we went back to clean up and pack and getting ready to take over the shift at the funeral home...

Upon arriving there, quite a crowd has gather at our lot and i don't recognizes any one of them ,so concluded that they must be the friends of either hers and my relatives... so resuming the usual tasks and begin to talk and laugh and guiltily having fun... then one by one, the visitors gave their condolesences and of course, my aunts and uncles are crying because its an emotional thing to do, explaining over and over again the terrifying details...

still, the day passed relatively peaceful and not much emotion pour out happen... then night falls again and instead of the boring night like yesterday which i'm totally loving it and have no problems wat so ever, i notice that something will be taking place at our lot... later i remembered that during my grandad's funeral, a chanting ceremony was held... so a chanting ceremony is going to be held i presume... it is... all the relatives were require to take part in the ceremony as a sign of respect and also to aid the transition of the decease to the other side...

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In the middle of the chanting ceremony, everyone started to tear up, still no tears... then, a sudden outburst from my left... and i noticed a new arrival, she hugged vincent koko aka my cousin and begin to sob silently... then she moved to her mother and both of them embrace each other, comforting each other of their uncontrolable sobbing... the sight of their emotional reunion choke me a bit but i guess it kinda caused everyone else to cry too... so the chanting continues...

we were dismissed for a few moments of rest before continue with the second part of the chanting ceremony... i was relieved... then a vibration can be felt in my pants and without any hesitation, i took my hp out and read the sms... its from vince... he was like asking i'm ok and like other stuff... i reply normally, but it wasn't until when i said that she's really gone that i finally hit me that the person whom always running around during chinese new year to prepare food is gone, the one whom always laugh at dad's joke uncontrobably... the one whom have some many stories stored in her brain it can turn into a best-seller book just like that... sitting on of the chair all the memories and thoughts came into my mind and i can feel something is coming out of me...

i quickly ran to the back before anything major happens... and before i knew it, droplets were collecting in my eyes, and trying to escape down my face, it finally hit home base...

she is gone ...

emotions that was collected over the pass few days were just releasing themselve at the new found freedom and i'm official part of the sobbing club... the memories of me sitting down in the living room, listening to her stories about so many people, i know shouldnt' say this but i guess she love to like gossip and bitch around about my aunts and uncles... like seriously... now i know there i got the bitchieness gene from... haha...lolness...

everything starts to pour out and all i can do is to just let it all out for that moment... and i thank God that there is a back room behind the lot, as to shield me from the crowd... as i wipe away the tears of my eyes, i regain my composure, saying to myself that its alright... and to accept the hurtful truth that she is not here anymore... then i went back out to the tables, sat down for a few moments and the sound of bells being hit was heard, to signal the continuation of the ceremony... this time around, most of us are quite ok and not emotional as everything was let out during the first part of the ceremony, right now, we are all just waiting for the ceremony to end as our butt muscles are screaming of numbness and lack of blood cause by the monotenaous sitting position for a long LONG time...

Finally, the ceremony ended, but there will be another ceremony, same chanting stuff but i guess must meant something else... oh well... i asked around to see whats the plan for the rest of the night... apparently nothing else, all we are to do is to just stay up and take care of the box and stuff around it... i resume to the folding task as that's the only thing we can do... but i did brought back the lap top and the wireless boradband maxis modem... so i won't be totally cut out from the technological world... lolness...

so far, not the whole family has gather at the funeral home... some one else was missing... the oldest daughter... and speaking of her... she was suppose to come around that time around... and so she did arrive and boy oh boy, she did not hide her emotions at all... although in the beginning she greet us with a smile on her face but with teary eyes, it was an obvious give away... she hugged and and say hi to everyone... once she did, she head straight to the box and before you know it, loud wailing comes out of her mouth... some words escape her mouth in between the wailing... it was such a saddening moment that is... everyone who was there begin to sob silently as we view all this mourniness... again everyone starts to settle down and again, the whole story was explain again and everyone begins their version of how they come to know about the news...

so as usual, everyone settle down and begin to resume to their usual task... as always, we cousins sit at one corner and begin our bonding processes... doing our stuff... time passes rather quickly, and before we know it, dawn was approaching and all of us pass the torch of responsibility...

][ to be continued ][