..::|| i'm not who i am anymore... ||::..

lately, i'm kinda having a little erm...

identity moratorium...

( it's a psychological term for people whom have not discover who they are but am committed in finding out... )

well, it's not like an identity crisis...

nor that i'm completely at loss of who i am...

but it's more of not recognizing who this person is at the moment...

( i'm so talking in third person view kinda thing but make no mistake all reference are to myself... )

few things i've realized over the past few months

~ i'm not the bubbly, happy-go-lucky annoying optimist that i am ~

~ i'm worried over all the tiniest little things that is just so petty ~

~ not to mentioned, annoyance is always around the corner ~

~ paranoia is just another friend of mine whom i have constant encounters with ~

~ temper is another good friend of mine whom i absolutely hate but still is my best friend ~

~ bitchiness has always been a part of me but lately she is surfacing much too often ~

~ selfishness is just another walk in the park every single second of my day ~

( ok, it's not THAT abstract la... basically all the different things i'm feeling nowadays la )

i'm not too sure what is the root cause of all these negativity

i don't even know when it all started

i do remember distinctively one occasion where my darhling friend...

steffy

told me that my optimistic view and positivity is a good influence and that is what they ( as in my bitches ) need...

i think i've lose that part of me...

i'm still searching for it back...

i have no freaking idea where it went...

i kinda miss the days where i'm just constantly smiling...

my ego is none existence...

i'm just all about world-peace

( corny as it may sound but so true... )

it's a part of me which i'm proud of and i know that not many people have that...

that's the reason why i want it...

not to rub it into people's faces but more of spreading, injecting, diffusing

it to others who is in need of it...

*deep inhalation of air*

*huge exhalation of sighness*

i shall hunt it down and trap it and forever embed it in my heart...

ush!!!

fighting!!!

( i know this is a very erm... abstract and totally self-absorbed post but oh well... it's very therapeutic so to speak... XP )

sarangae manae manae...