..::|| why me?! ||::..

hmmm... interesting title isn't it?!
well, i remember ever so clearly i wrote a post on my secret crush in college like last year... it was hilarious and stupid...
times when we were young and free...

those were the times where crushes and puppy love dominates our Emotional Resources Center in our brain...
you might think that once you hit the big 20 , all these things will be a thing of the past and it doesn't register anymore in our so-called-more-sophisticated-and-matured brain...

siapa cakap!!!

i'm one of those idiots that look mature on the out side but damn soft and super childish and totally still an adolescent in the inside...

yes... that's it... i'm admitting that i still do have crushes...

but checking out guys while walking down the streets and you know... the double-take-look stuff are so not consider as crushes... its call...

"cuci mata"

super popular with my bitches... Dyammnn

anyway... back to the story... yes, my type of crushes always starts out very slow...
slow as in begins with the

"oh, he's cute..."

then it progresses to

"wonder he wanna go out..."

and of course

"why is he not like msn-ning me?!"

and lets not forget

"i wonder he likes me or not... "


pathetic, yes... avoidable, not a chance...

who am i crushing on right now?! i would love to upload pictures and stuff but because it does involve the other party, i shall respect his privacy and NOT reveal him... although its kinda fun this way right... make you guess who in the world is this mysterious dude...

but some of you probably know, or guessed correctly... yes, its him... no doubt...

usually, crushes come and go... cause i'll give up pretty fast... you know... we need to explore all the options baby!!! =P

but he is the first ever guy i ever asked out and not to be exclusive or anything... (not that i have to try... XD) i don't usual ask a person out cause you know, it will be embrassing if like they turn you down and stuff... and of course i wanna know for sure they are interested in me... hehehe

But fortunately he agree to watch a movie with moi, we had a great time.. or at least i think we did...
sigh...

i hate this...
this feeling of uncertainty and total insecurity...
stupid feelings...
i feel like a stupid fool in front of him...
i feel like a stupid fool chasing after something that i know for sure i would not be able to reach...

why the sudden emo-ness and topic?!
we sorta didn't communicate for a week... main reasons because most of the conversation, if not ALL the conversations are initiated by moi and typical after a day or two i will stop and just let go... try not to force stuff you know...

but well, like i said... its different...

then i sorta read one of the friend's blog ( blame my boring social life... i'm the scary, pathetic stalker that read people's blog and like you know... feels more pathetic la...)

he was mentioning about the movies and makan outing and stuff... and he was there...
i kinda felt like... you know... jealous... pathetic... i guess i should change the title of this post to


..::|| the pathetic life of paul ||::..


that would suit this better... sigh...
can you spell desperate and totally pathetic much!!!





urgh!!!




another emo post...
stupid emo...



Paul Wong... thiscrushwon'tbegoingaway-ly OUT

ps : yes, i took it from david archuleta...

pss : and no, we didn't hang out ever since that day... tried too... but somehow just unable to hang out...

psss : and duh, i am talking about a GUY...


..::|| do-re-mi ||::..
HSM 3 senior year - can i have this dance