f a l l i n g i n l o v e . . .




Monday, May 24, 2010

..::|| Unstable ||::..

There are two types of high-level of self esteem...

stable and unstable...

unstable high level of self esteem 
lack in confidence of their own self-worth 

stable high level of self esteem
comfortable with self worth and confident in own skills

unstable high level of self esteem is related to Narcissism...

define as 
personality trait characterized by insecurity and constant need of reassurance...

sigh...

guess which one is moi...

i shall strive for stability then!!!

fighting!!!


Wednesday, May 19, 2010

..::|| never in my entire life... ||::..


will i imagine myself changing a flat tire...
it was such a major accomplishment that i think i deserve a standing ovation!!!

and some major cam-whore moment in receiving my prize...



|| i know i looked dyamnn retarded... ||

*it's my lappie's battery i'm holding... XD*

the story goes like this...

we were all hanging out in WKCCT

( wong kok char chang teng... did i even spell that correctly?! )

and then decided to head home and call it a night...
mana tahu luckily i haven't even start my car yet...
someone sent an SOS to me...

me bitch called and said that his tire is flat...

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exactly my reaction...
major dot-dot-dot moment...

i was like

" err, ok... i'm coming now... "

and so i went to the nearby petrol station and there he was... with all the equipment and the boot wide open...

i was smiling and then got out, and started helping him...
he was calling this calling that, sweat was dripping of his face...

and then i laughed...
not at him but at the entire situation...
it was funny because the fact that the both of us have never experience a flat tire before...
and this is the first time for the both of us...

i mean it's kind alike general knowledge to know how to change a tire
especially if you're a guy...
it's embedded in our DNA to KNOW how to change a tire...

at first i was kinda erm... blur and not sure what to do...
the bitch in me was still out...
and then when he was also blur and don't know what to do...
i took charged and started to do the first thing...


which is to elevate the car...


somehow, as i begin to turn the knob slowly...
my inner dude-ness came out and as if by some miracle...
i know what to do next...


( although at one point when i was unscrewing the nuts on the wheel using the erm... metal thing, i was singing the soundtrack from "sounds of music" because you have to use your feet to loosen up the nuts... or something like that... major wtf moment... )


and then i just changed the tire as if i have been doing it countless of times already...


although there were some difficulties in trying to fit the spare tire into the nuts... 
the genius in me thought of releasing the air a bit and the fit it in...


long story short... 


we changed the tire successfully!!!


XD


dyamnnn proud la...
like to the max...


considering the fact that two bitches was forced to change tire in the middle of the night... 
with NO HELP at all!!!




hahahahhaahahahhahahah...


*patting self on the back*


yea, i know...
lame... like that also can be so proud...


oh well...


i find joy and pride in the littlest thing in life... 


hmmm...


of course my hands were dyamnn dirty la...
and that was were my OCD kicks in...


X(

Sunday, May 16, 2010

..::|| bad feeling... ||::..



having mixed feelings...

XS

not good...

sigh...

go away!!!


Friday, May 14, 2010

..::|| i'm not who i am anymore... ||::..


lately, i'm kinda having a little erm...
identity moratorium...

( it's a psychological term for people whom have not discover who they are but am committed in finding out... )

well, it's not like an identity crisis...
nor that i'm completely at loss of who i am...
but it's more of not recognizing who this person is at the moment...

( i'm so talking in third person view kinda thing but make no mistake all reference are to myself... )

few things i've realized over the past few months

~ i'm not the bubbly, happy-go-lucky annoying optimist that i am ~

~ i'm worried over all the tiniest little things that is just so petty ~

~ not to mentioned, annoyance is always around the corner ~

~ paranoia is just another friend of mine whom i have constant encounters with ~

~ temper is another good friend of mine whom i absolutely hate but still is my best friend ~
~ bitchiness has always been a part of me but lately she is surfacing much too often ~

~ selfishness is just another walk in the park every single second of my day ~


( ok, it's not THAT abstract la... basically all the different things i'm feeling nowadays la )

i'm not too sure what is the root cause of all these negativity
i don't even know when it all started

i do remember distinctively one occasion where my darhling friend...

steffy

told me that my optimistic view and positivity is a good influence and that is what they ( as in my bitches ) need...

i think i've lose that part of me...
i'm still searching for it back...
i have no freaking idea where it went...

i kinda miss the days where i'm just constantly smiling...
my ego is none existence...
i'm just all about world-peace

( corny as it may sound but so true... )

it's a part of me which i'm proud of and i know that not many people have that...
that's the reason why i want it...
not to rub it into people's faces but more of spreading, injecting, diffusing
it to others who is in need of it...

*deep inhalation of air*

*huge exhalation of sighness*

i shall hunt it down and trap it and forever embed it in my heart...

ush!!!
fighting!!!

( i know this is a very erm... abstract and totally self-absorbed post but oh well... it's very therapeutic so to speak... XP )

sarangae manae manae...



..::|| converting into a health freak... ||::..


recently my kind-sweet-ever-willing friend aka chi mui gave me a free pass to enter


it was my first time ever entering a commercial gym...
seriously...

( everyone say together now... NOOB!!!!!!!!!!!!! )

and so, was given a private tour of the gym, locker, equipment and all...
and was kinda fascinated by all of em'

and then we headed straight to the cardio section...

threadmill

my most hated nightmare...

i hated running...
running has been a major erm...

well... major...

lets just say it's a pain in the arse and i would completely avoid it if i can...

*reminiscence back in those days where i was force to take part in jogathone-something and came in double digits... close to a triple digit kinda position*

but that was the only thing seems easy enough to do...

( lame )

i was planning to just walk and run in the threadmill
maybe go to the bicycle or something
maybe even climb some stairs...

and then we started to run...

one minute passes...
i was doing a sorta fitness runway walk...

*triple snap*

and then i picked up speed and begin a faster runway walk...

and then i begin to jog...

speed was 10 km/h
i think...

and then i realized something...
my stamina has increased by like
i dunno...

A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i jog 10 minutes non-stop...
then took a break and then continue again...
another 10 minutes non-stop...

i can't believe i can actually do that!!!

XD

but of course by then end, i was like walking side ways because of the disorientated kinda feeling and my legs were kinda numb already...

XS

( embarrassing much... )

and then i went and took a break at the lounge drinking some isotonic beverages...
and then continue to do some other weird-and-new workout with my chi mui...

i lasted for another 30 minutes
and then something happened...

before that, i never understood how people can vomit and throw up and all after an intense workout...

( courtesy of biggest loser... )

that day i found out how it can happen...

we went to the bikes and begin cycling...
1 minutes slow ( 60 something speed )
1 minute intense cycling ( 120 something speed )

i did the first interval...
was resting and felt like my heart was at the bottom of my stomach...
wasn't feeling very good...
and then the second interval...

that was when it hit me...
i was suddenly super dizzy and felt like everything was turning...
my face was super pale

( according to him )

and so i knew i need to lie down some where...
i quickly got off the bike...
walked quickly to the locker room...
and collapse on the bench...
i was at the point of throwing up...

i have no idea how to deal with it...

i knew i shouldn't lie down or sit...
but i can't help it...

cut the long story short...
it took me 45 minutes to fully recover...
even by then also i feel a bit dizzy...

first experience of overworked...

yea...

total erm... fail!!!

but somehow...
i like it...
i meant the exercising part...
not the dizzy-feel-like-throwing-up part...

but after that...
i felt great...
although there were pains and stuff
but generally, i felt awesome...
like healthier kinda thing...

and so

i plan to join a gym!!!

like dyamnnn semangat-ed!!!

but it was damped by my fathers big

NO

because he said that i can be active and healthy without it...
said that if i can show him that i practice a healthier lifestyle

( translation = run more, go swimming, don't sleep so late and etc etc... )

he'll consider the gym membership...

and so...
i have to like you know...

start exercising...

X(

sigh...

gambatei!!!
ush!!!

wanna look like that!!!


|| of course... without the boobs and other non-male parts la... XD ||



Thursday, May 13, 2010

..::|| buzz buzz buzz !!! ||::..

haircut auntie : so what is your vision for your haircut?!

moi : i want something that will shock my mother out of her auntie pants...

haircut auntie : hmmm... so what kinda styles do you want?!

moi : no.2 for the sides, minor trimming for the top and a tail for the back...

*hair buzzer switched on*

haircut auntie : here we go...

|| translated directly from Cantonese ||

ok
maybe we didn't really talked like that but you get my point...
this time punya visit to the hair saloon i wanted something different...
something drastic
something that is awesomely awesome...

i wanted an extreme Mohawk but still able to pull it off in my normal daily life...
i wanted this hair cut...


|| taeyang... he has something like a mini Mohawk blended with an army cut... sorta thing... ||

and so i was conveying this vision to the auntie and she was like
buzzer switched on and started buzzing my hair...
i just woke up from my sleep and my brain has not even started it's engine yet...
and so when she started buzzing my hair, i didn't care what it will looked like...
and so on she buzz and buzz and buzz...

and then when it's all finally over...
i kinda liked it...
for two seconds...

then when i reached home and my mum gave me the

O . o

look...

that's when i knew something is wrong...
the front and side part was alright...
i mean it looked very hardcore and all but it's ok...

i think...

but the behind was like a horse tail...
no kidding...

someone actually called me a Zebra...
=.=

( you know who you are... bitch... )

and so, i was like...

" aiyah, don't care la... hair can grow back... "

kinda attitude but days passes by and i behind to doubt my decisions...
at a point where i said i'm willing to buzz all off...
and go bald...

seriously...

but then, the haircut auntie was kind enough to give me another haircut trimming the horse tail behind...
and so i went back for a second haircut...
for free...

i guess second time was the charm...

it looked way better...
and now i'm just waiting for it to grow a little longer and then i can finally style it accordingly...

XD

of course...
ya'll just wanna see pictures eh?!

ok ok...

you guys ready?!

don't laugh ok?!

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still scrolling?!

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should i show it to ya'll?!

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ok ok...
fine...
here it is...


|| tada!!! Mohawk with a horse tail!!! ||

|| the back part looked quite ridiculous... this was before my second haircut... ||


now for the recent one...

well...
you guys just have to wait la...

XP

(1) genting trip ( don't be jealous fagiselle and sherry-top )

(2) mamak mee-ah ( i don't know why i've not blogged about this!!! )

(3) mask masquerade!!! ( different type of masks i've been doing )

(4) gym membership ( yes, i wanna look good too... )

(5) new hair cut!!! ( absolutely drastic one!!!

*two down... three more to go...*
** i've just realized that with this hairstyle... i can't teach tuition... XS, and so for the first two weeks, i was wearing a cap when i go out...**

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

..::|| standing on higher ground... literally... ||::..

see... i keep to my word ok...
first photo post since like wat... a million years ago?!

XD

exaggeration much?

anyway...

this was suppose to be a trip after finals with a bunch of classmates, all whom are psycho people to some where with salty waters, fine sands and sunny bright sun shines...
but instead, we settle on something completely different...
somewhere cooling, exciting, different and absolutely EXPENSIVE!!!

yes
we all went to Genting Highlands...

and so, i pack all my essentials...
DSLR of course...

and off we headed to some 24 hour aircond-ed place...

the original plan was to meet at KL sentral and take the bus there...
but found out that the earliest available bus was at 12.30pm !!!
so we decided to head to Gombak instead and take the bus from there...
lucky for us, there's the 11.30 bus... a bit earlier nonetheless...

we took the package which included the themepark...

and off we go!!!


|| four beauties... *vomits* ||

|| greg's side of modeling is surfacing... ||

we arrived and first and foremost, check in...

planning to stay one night ma...

apparently there's some promotion going on and the rates were crazy low!!!
we ended up paying like RM 17 per person...
for accommodation plus breakfast!!!

of course, that's the only cheap thing there la...
the food alone can kill you already!!!

anyway... after checking in, where else to go?!

THEMEPARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



|| yay!!! i'm tall enough to ride the rides!!! ||



|| showing off her boots... XD ||

|| waiting to lose our butts at Solero... XS ||


of course, this time around, i wanted to try all the rides!!! i mean literally, ALL THE MAJOR RIDES!!!

my friend suggested we all ride the celero shot thing... wait... i think it's called rocket something...

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wutever...
anyway, we waited for like one hour for a 20 second ride...
but let me tell you, it was worth every single second!!!

serious, we actually counted like how long then will it release the break and free fall...
exactly 7 counts... it will release the break...

and so we sat on it...
but by the time it went up, i stop counting...
panic sets in...
and i was screaming wanting it to be over!!!

and then it fell...

i can't breath for that 3 second fall and it felt forever... and then everything stops and that's it...

it was one of the most craziest thing i've ever done and although it may seem like it's nothing to some people, i was a major accomplishment to me!!!


|| still waiting... ||

and then, more cam-whore moments...

XP


|| model wannabe... ||




|| while waiting to ride the mini roller coaster thing... ||

|| only sping and i looked like posing seriously... the others... *speechless* ||


|| crazy people waving their hands... ||




|| i wanted that bear... X( ||

|| eating ice-cream in genting... come on ya'll... give me the *sweat* face... ||

|| thank goodness i didn't ride this... as in... i'm not much of a racing person myself anyway... ||

then it's time for the mother of all thrill rides in genting...

the cockscrew...

it was the scariest roller coaster ride in genting and i've never even thought of attempting to ride it...

until that day...

and so we went and line up...
and because it was almost closing time, the line was super short...
in a blink of an eye...
it was our turn...

at first, i was feeling rather excited instead of scared but as we sat in those seats...
the safety belts lock us in...
panic again sets in...
heart rate is picking up...
adrenalin levels begin to rise up...

and then it begins...

the climb up to the highest point of the ride seems like an eternity and when it falls...
i felt my gut in my mouth...

and the twist and turn...
plus the 360 degrees turn...
that was amazing!!!

i didn't even felt it...

and then it ended...

it was the most amazing feeling ever!!!
i am ever so willing to ride it again!!!
but time is of the essence then and everyone was like starving...

and so... some last minute cam-whoring and off we went for dinner...

|| success!!! ||


|| model wannabe 2 ||

|| the open-wide-mouth pose... ||

the sun begin to set at this point and we decided to head off for dinner...
and picked a buffet all you can eat steamboat with grill plates restaurant...
i have to say it was quite worth it...
since it's all you can eat and all...

i remembered saying

" i know la the themepark is like dyamnnn thrilling and all but dinner also have to be so erm... thrilling too meh?! "

*trying to translate cantonese to english*

basically i was saying that the themepark was very exciting and heart pumping action kinda thing and here we are... cooking our dinner on grill plates, getting our hands burn by the jumping oils...
it was funny, painful and delicious...
all wrap up into one awesome package...

XD

|| i ate too much for dinner!!! ||


|| good shot of the always-shy-and-cover-face edwyn... ||

|| 2-4-6-8 pose by the girls... ||

|| guys turn... and noticed edwyn covers his face... =.=" ||

then we went back to our separate rooms for some cleaning up...
and one thing i found out during this trip is that the girls took ages to get ready...
i mean seriously...
ages!!!


and then, more cam-whore time!!!


|| very reminiscence of the photoshoot i had with fagiselle in cineleisure doesn't it?! ||

|| awesome editing skills... XD ||



|| love everything!!! ||

|| nearly fell posing for this!!! ||


|| spot the model wannabe 3!!! ||

|| really nice album cover... ||

we were walking around for hours...
hanging out at starbucks...
Greg ( the guy sitting right at the bottom stair... ) actually went for a movie alone...
awesome dude...

and then it's time for snoozes...

morning came
and everything then seems like a blur...

there were breakfast, aunties, more snoozes, ticket counters, arcade, basketball, buses and random dude snapping pictures in the bus...

and we're back in kl sentral...

|| back to reality ||


yup
the trip was awesome and i had major fun...
can't believe i actually went on those thrill rides...
no vomiting
no pale face
no medication

all wells and ends well...

XD

*there's no picture of fabuliciousness here cause it's filled with awesome pictures anyway!!!*

**and this is the longest picture post ever!!!**

***one down... four more to go***

(1) genting trip ( don't be jealous fagiselle and sherry-top )

(2) mamak mee-ah ( i don't know why i've not blogged about this!!! )
(3) mask masquerade!!! ( different type of masks i've been doing )
(4) gym membership ( yes, i wanna look good too... )
(5) new hair cut!!! ( absolutely drastic one!!! )